bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i barfeds in our rink
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
