I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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