i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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