It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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