After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
