Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
