I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
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