Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
