my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
