just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't deserve a penis
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
