Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
