Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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