I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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