Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
