i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
