Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
