If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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