2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
