We need to rekindle our bromance
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My breath smells like gin and sadness
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
