so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize