It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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