I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
