Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
