At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
