i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
