and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you made out with another girl for some wings
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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