oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
