so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
