sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
