this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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