Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
