As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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