I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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