u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
