you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
