I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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