I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
