So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
