they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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