Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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