Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
