i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
