I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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