I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i think my cat just said my name.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
