I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
