I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
