On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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