So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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