Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Soap is not a condiment
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
