Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
