Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
