And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
