Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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