we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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