Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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