After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
