I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
