my phone needs a breathalizer
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize