Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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