I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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