I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
