Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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