so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
