So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize