I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
