I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
