i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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