my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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