Did you just see the Batmobile???
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I want a musical about memes.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize