I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
