we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize