Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
