I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Who died my cat blue again?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
