my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
NoShamevember. You game?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
