dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
