Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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