Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize