don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
