i just sent this text using only my big toe
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
