Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
