my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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