nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize