Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
