So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
