I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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