just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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