oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
