I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I currently don't understand fingers.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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