i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
